- Elizabeth Spayd, incoming NY Times public editor
Happy Monday, June 27th, 2016
Today's blog is very personal.
I hope that all who see this had a great PRIDE weekend. I'm not talking just about GLBT Pride, but PRIDE in whomever you are. This is my first blog in a few weeks. I have really been down for the past few weeks. The massacre in Orlando really depressed me on a level that is hard to put into words.
When someone shows you who they are
Believe them the first time.
' The Voice' singer Christina Grimmie which had happened less than 24 hours prior to The Pulse Nightclub shooting.
I had already posted my response to that the day before. I have been speaking out against the NRA for years and will continue to do so until they no longer have power.
When the news started coming in regarding the Orlando shooting, I could not stop crying and grieving.
It put a pall on everything happening that day. We had three friends come over to watch the Tony Awards that night, a night that I look forward to yearly.
A man cannot directly choose his circumstances, but he can choose his thoughts, and so indirectly, yet surely, shape his circumstances.--James Allen
I stayed up watching the news till 2AM not knowing where to turn. I have had this experience every time there has been a mass shooting.
I went to bed and I kept thinking of a lot of events that were upcoming that were swirling around me. My brain just would not shut down all of the conflicting thoughts.
I was scheduled to do a show on the 20th. My heart just went out of. There were several factors, but this was the final straw.
I chose to cancel all shows till after the summer and to put my focus on overturning this insane gun laws. A dear friend of mine, Jason Hayes, started working towards a march on Washington for
Then I thought about the Heritage of Pride march coming up and called them. Even though the deadline had happened, because of what had happened in Orlando, they were extending the deadline period.
A friend told me that he had read about another group with a similar mission marching. I once again reached out to Heritage of Pride and they put me in touch with the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence and specifically with Kim Russell. I feel like I made a new friend. She was thrilled that I reached out to her. There were several groups that was going to march together under the banner of Disarm Hate. We also formed the hashtag LGBT4GVP and created a Twitter account and a Facebook page. When I contacted Heritage of Pride, they were thrilled that we would be joining forces.
|Photos courtesy Karen Oberlin|
I want to thank all that acknowledged my efforts. Each response truly did go a long way.
When I reached out to some of my Facebook "friends", with some, there was little or no response. A dear friend of mine, Carly Ozard, immediately stepped up to the plate and volunteered to help out in any way she could, as did Julie Budd, Sue Matsuki, and Daryl Glen, and Karen Oberlin.
|Carly Ozard (used with Carly's permission)|
I will say they are all stand-up people in a sit down world. However, with some, I began to feel invisible and that I didn't matter which added to this immense feeling of aloneness.
I was even lied to by people that I reached out to.
It hurts when someone tells you one thing and you see the opposite of what they are telling you on another page.
I was so disappointed at the lack of response, that I even contemplated leaving social media.
Several close friends talked me out of it. I began asking friends and colleagues if they were experiencing and/or feeling the same thoughts. I have been overwhelmed by the numbers of people who are feeling what I'm feeling.
When someone tells you they are "too busy" to respond after numerous attempts through email and private messages, how are we to respond? Especially after you see all of their postings on Facebook around the same time that you are reaching out to them?
My goal with this blog is not to put fingers but to ask why.
No man is an island. We ALL are in this together. What happened in Orlando is not something that happened elsewhere. It is something that affects all of us.
|Mr. Varon, Leah Gunn Barrett (New Yorkers Against Gun Violence), Charlie Allenson (photo used by permission: Leah Gunn Barrett)|
Right now a lot of people are hurting, I implore ALL that read this to reach out MORE on a human level than a technological way. Hitting a LIKE button or SHARE is not always sufficient.
I remember when I reached the 5,000 mark with "friends" on Facebook. I think it should be changed to "contacts" which is a more apt description.
I was thrilled. I felt, "There are 5,000 people out there who LIKE me."
As time has gone on, I have come to realize that it gave me a false sense of importance. Many that are "friends" don't even interact...even after I reach out to them! Have we really gotten so busy, that even a 'hello' is no longer acknowledged?
I used to feel hurt when I found
|(photo used by permission: Leah Gunn Barrett)|
Then I thought, if they don't feel that I'm adding to their world, I guess they are doing the right thing. Facebook has become our own individual kingdoms.
"If you agree with ME, you are allowed to stay. Otherwise, you are banished."
I hope that we are more than narcissists posting another selfie every time the light changes. I hope that we feel that the most important news of the day is that you have decided to have a cup of coffee.
I hope that the people that you are "friending" are being friended because you feel you have something to add to their lives instead of the fact that you think they have something to offer them.
I truly do want to be there for you. I want to be your friend.
I want to support all that read this to the best of my ability.
When I was thirty, I was going through a difficult time and I ended up going to therapy. My therapist at the time brought me an address book and told me to go through my previous appointment book with the following thoughts in my mind.
If they didn't, ...well, you know the rest! Perhaps it is time to start doing that again...for all of us.
Let me be your friend and you have my UNDIVIDED support to the best of my ability.
Everywhere you go and regardless of what you do, there will always be those obstacles that put to the test how bad we want to achieve our goals.
At the end of the day it is those obstacles that separate those that want from those that do. Remember, it ALL could be gone in an instant.
Pride events around the country paused for a moment of silence this weekknd to honor those lost in Orlando
To save the greatest number of lives it’s the everyday violence, not just mass shootings, that we need to prevent.
My heart is heavy My foundation rocked to its very core So much hate whirling around the news today My mind can’t process anymore .
We have lost human interaction somewhere along the way. Became too obsessed with convince Time to put our devices away.Instead. spread happiness Choose tolerance over hate Treat everyone the way you want to be treated And with kindness back you will be greeted
Back then, we called it the Golden Rule When did we start ignoring such a moral tool? I will never understand the hate But will fight to disarm it So my children don’t have to suffer the same fate. -Jamie Lee Farrar
Hi Richard. Re the last 2 weeks, I've noticed people are really wound up tighter than a rubber band, even at my workplace. People are short tempered.
I've noticed more insanity. More mood swings. i include myself in this. It's very hard to take in and process the evil that has happened and continues to happen.
I haven't felt this disjointed since 9/11.
|Ellen Easton, a True Friend|
The value to be a loyal friend bears little currency to those who are apparently happier living in cyber space than in reality. The phenomenon of the self interested in obtaining 'friends and followers' but haven't a clue how to behave in a real person to person situation is a puzzlement.
I am posting the following from Leah Gunn Barrett
I’ve lost a brother to gun violence and I also have a brother who is gay. Every act of gun
violence is personal to me as it should be to all of us.
What happened in Orlando was a hate crime committed by an American-born male who
was an angry, homophobic, wife-abusing, wannabe cop, twice interviewed by the FBI
and despite all of that, was legally able to buy an AR-15 assault rifle and high capacity
ammunition magazines. We have no monopoly on these kinds of individuals in America.
What sets us apart is we make it dead easy for anyone to get their hands on a gun.
AR-15 was designed by the military to kill
as many humans as quickly and efficiently as possible on the battlefield. AR-15s have
been used time after time to slaughter Americans in our schools, houses of worship,
movie theaters, malls and night clubs. Any shooting, whether it is deemed a mass
shooting or not, is an act of terrorism to the person being shot, to their friends and
family, and to their communities. We need to restrict the lethal means to carry out acts
After Sandy Hook, Congress said NO to everything. So we worked at the state level and NY took action.
We need to keep up the pressure on the state but also go back to
Congress – and demand that our feckless leaders do what we’ve done in NY: restrict
assault weapons and high capacity ammo magazines, pass criminal background checks
on all gun sales and prohibit people on the Terrorist Watch list and No Fly list from
And there is a lot of unfinished business here in NY. Just because NY is safer than
other states is NOT an excuse to slack off. We ask the Governor to waste no more time
and develop and implement the Point of Sale ammunition background check system –
that was part of the SAFE Act - and get the legislature to step up and fund it. And we
ask Mayor de Blasio and the Governor to use their executive authority and the
|Mayor de Blasio|
for the NYPD and State Police.
I want to share an email I got today from a mother in NY. I hope it will serve as a call to
action to each and every one of us:
It was a horrible what happened in Florida but right here in the New York City we have
parents losing their children.
Just over the weekend a mother was killed in the Bronx
and another man was killed. We cannot ignore any shooting yet a lot of the families right
here in NY feel they are being ignored.
When we label these deaths - mass shootings, hate crimes or any other name it
diminishes and ignores the every-day gun violence that afflicts our communities. I lost
my son in 2011 - his case is still unsolved and way too many other parents have
unsolved cases. It feels like no one cares about our loss. When you look at the big
picture all gun violence is rooted in hate. My son's life was just as valuable and my pain
from his loss is just as real.
Mass shootings grab our attention as they should – but don’t forget that today another
92 Americans will die from guns and tomorrow will be the same unless we do
Leah Gunn Barrett
Fight the Good Fight, March the good March!" I marched twice in the New York Pride Parade Yesterday, first with the New York Loves Orlando group, one of the lead groups of the March, right after the grand marshals. Before we stepped off at noon I got to speak with a number of reporters including Kimberly Richardson from ABC Eyewitness News. I told them I am a long time marcher, and that I have witnessed a great deal of progress in our suffrage for Equality over the years, but that we still have a long way to go as we remember Pulse Orlando today.
The New York Pride marchers and the spectators were just amazing, my ears are still ringing from the resounding chants and loud cheers. After we finished the long march, I went back out on Christopher Street where I got to see Hillary Clinton, Andrew Cuomo, Al Sharpton, Mayor DeBlazio, and many more, and then I watched a good part of the March and cheered the marchers on. I got to shake hands and share a few words with Senator Chuck Schumer and I thanked him for marching with us. He in turn thanked me and smiled broadly. I then joined with and marched, for a second time with the Disarm Hate group, chanting "Disarm Hate", "No More Guns", and "We Are Orlando". We reached the end of the March after 7:30, and it was still going! One World Trade Center and The Empire State Building were lit in rainbow colors as the sun set. It was a remarkable and sublime day of activism for me, and I applaud all those who participated and observed. We share a plethora of love, pride, and Disarmed Hate, at least for the day. "Fight the Good Fight, March the good March!
|Photo used by permission from Tommy Thomas|
Please send your suggestions for future blogs to Richard@RichardSkipper.com
Thank you, to all mentioned in this blog for the gifts you have given to the world and continue to give!
With grateful XOXOXs from YOUR pro-active friend,
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|In Loving Memory of Gordon Connell, who passed away this past week.|
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Please do what YOU can to be more aware that words and actions DO HURT...but they can also heal and help!
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Richard Skipper, Richard@RichardSkipper.com